Is it Possible to Experience an Ecstatic Birth: Sheila Kamara Hay Unveils the Possibilities

A few months ago, I discovered the concept of “Ecstatic Birth.” As a mother of a toddler and soon-to-be second-time mom, I found myself both intrigued and skeptical, especially considering my first birthing experience was far from ecstatic. However, I believe it doesn’t have to be that way. Unfortunately, I’m not alone in this sentiment. Few women in America can recount an amazing, empowering birth experience, and that’s precisely what Sheila Kamara Hay, the creator of the “Ecstatic Birth” course, aims to change. She believes birthing was never meant to be a scary, highly medicated process but a powerful, life-changing one.

Sheila’s story parallels mine and many other women’s experiences; a traumatic birthing event left her questioning if there was a better way. After extensive research, she realized that birthing is a sacred process and should be ecstatic rather than traumatic. Ecstasy, defined as “an overwhelming feeling of great happiness or joyful excitement,” is a fitting description for the act of bringing another human being into the world. I had the opportunity to speak with Sheila about the process, mindset, and wisdom of Ecstatic Birth because I am shifting my mindset for my upcoming birth. If you are pregnant, considering pregnancy, or know someone who is, share this article with them.

Q: Sheila, you had a bad first birthing experience that prompted a lot of healing and inner work. What was some of the things you learned during that processed that you would like to share with women who had a similar situation?

When I went into my first birth, I was leading with my mind. I had learned a lot about natural childbirth but I was very dissociated from my body. I had this idea that if I was strong enough I could overcome any potential obstacles, but this stubbornness was also led by the mind. Childbirth is governed by our primal animal body. To heal from my first birth and prepare for my second, I had to learn how to connect with my body and let it lead, surrendering this perceived control of the mind.  This is the most important thing- training. I call it training because it is not a one and done understanding, but a continual practice to connect to the body, feel, and follow its lead.  The other thing that I was unaware of for my first birth and became FIERCE about for my 2nd and 3rd was putting myself in a situation where I could succeed. Integral to that was choosing a birth environment and support team that were aligned with my desires. It is almost impossible to have an Ecstatic Birth despite your birth team. Feeling safe and supported is key.

When I was preparing for my 2nd birth, I read everything I could get my hands on about natural birth. This was nearly 20 years ago and there wasn’t much online at all. But in every book I read there would be one line (buried in 100s of pages) that said something like “Some women experience heightened states of bliss, ecstasy and even orgasm in birth.”  I was intrigued, I wanted to know what that was about!! When I was birthing my second child, I caught a glimpse of this possibility when I was pushing her out, so I decided to go all in on my Ecstatic Birth preparation when I got pregnant with my 3rd child.

I definitely felt the Ecstasy of birth in the moments and days after my second child’s arrival. I was euphoric and many commented on my GLOW. It was a huge contrast from my first experience where I had felt beat up and needed to recover in the aftermath.  While I couldn’t truly say that I had enjoyed labor during my second birth, I did notice some orgasmic spasms in the pushing phase. I was intrigued and decided to prepare for my 3rd birth by preparing my body for pleasure. I thought I had an idea of what a pleasurable birth would be like, but the experience I had birthing my 3rd child, blew away all of those conceptions. I danced through the labor and the experience took me higher than I’ve ever been in my life. This went way beyond physical pleasure, but took me into transcendent realms of bliss and ecstasy that I couldn’t have even imagined.

The biggest area of reclamation available to us in relation to childbirth is understanding and treating it as a part of female sexuality. If birth were understood as the culmination of the sexual act, rather than a separate and distinct event from sex, how would we treat the birthing mom? How would we honor her body? What conditions would best support it? What role would pleasure play? Birth is a sexual act and approaching it accordingly transforms everything.

I began by creating the Ecstatic Birth Training Sessions as a way of sharing my teachers with others who, like I did, wanted to have an empowering birth experience, but didn’t know how to create it.  After a few years of supporting women 1:1 with their Ecstatic Births, I found there were key elements that all birthing women needed to integrate to have an Ecstatic Birth. I created O BABY!, my signature Ecstatic Birth training program to support expectant moms to prepare- mind, body, heart and soul- for such an experience.

Childbirth rarely goes according to a given plan. I invite mothers-to-be to learn about Ecstatic Birth as an ideal to inspire, not as a goal to achieve or judge themselves by. At this time, there are a lot of obstacles women have to navigate to have an empowering and pleasurable birth experience. The beautiful thing about leaning into pleasure as the most holistic birthing tool there is, is that it is inherently elevating to the experience whether it goes to “plan” or not.

I have felt in my own journey to Ecstatic Birth, and in the countless women that I have supported, that preparing for an Ecstatic Birth is not just about a moment in time, but reverberates far into postpartum and motherhood. Many of the things we learn in training are elements that will support us in enjoying motherhood and life as a woman. Transforming the experience of birth for mothers in this way, elevates motherhood and ultimately supports the next generation in arriving and being raised with more love and presence.

I really want everyone to have this information. It is so important! I am constantly creating free resources for mothers to be at my website Ecstatic-Birth.com. The best place to start and learn more is through this complimentary masterclass: Essential Keys to Ecstatic Birth