Toxic Positivity: What Is It, and Why We Need to Call it Out with Guest Keni Silva

Occasionally, when we are going through a difficult time, our friends and family try to comfort us by saying phrases like “Try to think more positively” or “Everything is for the best; don’t feel like that.” But can you remember how you felt when they said that?

Those types of comments are classified as toxic positivity for the simple reason that they make you feel bad about feeling bad. It’s ironic, right?

This week, an all-new episode of Get it Girl is airing! We have influencer Keni Silva on the show, who will talk about female empowerment and will share her expertise on relationships. Lastly, we will wrap up with a personal segment titled “Esa Soy Yo,” featuring Ashley Covarrubias, the creator of the Model Experience.

But let’s dig in a little more about the definition of Toxic Positivity.

What is Toxic Positivity?

According to Wikipedia, “Toxic positivity is a “pressure to stay upbeat no matter how dire one’s circumstance is,” which may prevent emotional coping by feeling otherwise natural emotions. Toxic positivity happens when people believe that negative thoughts about anything should be avoided. Even in response to events which normally would evoke sadness, such as loss or hardships, positivity is encouraged as a means to cope, but tends to overlook and dismiss true expression.”

In other words, toxic positivity is the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset no matter how painful or difficult a situation is.

Even though people are trying to help -in most cases- this is perceived as “they don’t want to talk about negative subjects” or that they are not empathic people, so those phrases result in shutting conversations, making the person in need feel even worse than before.

What most people don’t understand is that denying negative thoughts or feelings is actually harmful in the long term because it prevents people from processing emotions. In reality, life can be difficult and challenging, and part of our growth and psychological health is learning how to deal with those emotions and accept them to be able to let go healthily instead of avoiding them.

Sadly, nowadays, toxic phrases like “happiness is a choice” invalidate people’s feelings or make them feel ashamed for feeling something that is “not acceptable.” This gaslighting behavior creates a false narrative of being optimistic and is far from the truth.

Check out our Get it Girl segment, in which our hosts play a game with Keni Silva about “positive or positively toxic” situations.

What to Say to Not Be Perceived as a Toxic Positivity Person

Cultivate a mindset embracing the notion that experiencing difficulties is a natural part of life. Rather than condemning negative emotions, acknowledge their validity and understand that perpetual positivity isn’t realistic. Recognize that it’s okay not to feel okay sometimes, both for yourself and others.
Prioritize empathetic listening and support when others share their struggles. Reject the urge to dismiss their feelings with overly optimistic platitudes. Instead, validate their experiences by reassuring them that their emotions are valid and that you’re available to provide a listening ear and support.
Instead of Toxic Positive phrases, use ones like these:

“I’m all ears.”
“You can count on me, no matter what.”
“That sounds incredibly tough.”
Failure is sometimes part of life.
Your feelings are valid.

WATCH NOW our brand new episode of ‘Get it Girl’ with Keni Silva, where we discuss toxic positivity and female empowerment, here.

A new episode of Get it Girl is coming out TODAY at 4:30 PM PST / 7:30 PM EST, airing on LATV Network. You can watch the episode on TV or at any time on the LATV+ app TOMORROW after 4:30 PM!