Should All Gay Men Join the Gym?

When the producing team decided to focus this season of Living y Ready on healthy habits, I got excited. It’s personal for me! The gym has changed my life, I believe it can change everyone’s life, and I think it’s important to showcase that on camera.

On set for this episode, watching personal trainer David Perez walk through an at-home workout with Dorian Klemesine, I reflected on my own fitness journey.

Growing up gay, skinny, and smaller than the other boys—in size and confidence—I didn’t fit in with the athletic bros on the playground.

 Like a lot of queer kids, young adulthood arrived, and I fell in with artists. I was still in the closet. And since I couldn’t express my sexuality out loud and openly, I diffused my expressive devices into my work. Bulging biceps were not top of mind. Fitting in looked like being creative, occasionally smart, always one step ahead of any put-down or sarcastic jab at possibly being gay.

Then I came out.

Suddenly, there were men everywhere. Big men, small men, old men, and men even younger than me. They were gay, they were on the apps, and they were all looking for connection. Sorta like me.

One swipe this way, another swipe that way, a few chance encounters in real life, and I quickly understood the hierarchy of hotness—and at the top were the same athletic bros from my childhood, except these bros might want to have sex with me. In theory.

 Meanwhile, I’m flailing through life, eating unhealthily, staying up too late, running across town between jobs that lack meaning, spending money I don’t have, and trying to find validation from the eyes of men who seemingly have it all.

 I’m also acting. A gig here, a gig there. I came close to scoring a leading role (a gay character, too) in a movie, and the director passed on me not because of my acting, but because they “went with someone with a body.”

 Yeah—I was mad for a while. I’m still mad about it. But I joined a gym after that. Did I learn a lesson? Not entirely sure. But it did get me fired up. 

 What I’ve discovered about the gym is much deeper than being hot. Consistently working out sets the tone for healthy habits in every department of my life. When I’m on my gym routine, I cook healthier food at home, I eat out less and thereby spend less money, and I prioritize sleep. I show up at work more confident, more at ease, and in my relationships more compassionate, more giving.

 The gym is a place I focus on myself. I get out my anger and frustration. I let go of self-doubt. I watch myself get stronger. And, yes, my body has changed and that makes me happy.

 In the next episode of Living y Ready, we learn how fitness has made both Dorian and David happier, too.

 We all have preexisting conditions. HIV, depression, diabetes—these obstacles need not stand in the way of an active life; if anything, let them motivate us to stand even stronger, even hotter, in the light beyond their shadows.

So, should all gay men join the gym? I think everyone should—but let your reason be a personal one.