Can Love Transcend Your HIV-Status? | Living y Ready

Anyone who has been in love knows that love is simple … until it isn’t.

Every relationship has its unique palette of shared values, memories, and goals. But, like any good painting, colors get blended and brush strokes fall outside the lines. Values change, memories fade, and goals can take new shapes. Lovers, boyfriends, partners—they hold up mirrors to our greatest strengths and our deepest fears, reflecting back at us who we are without our ability to control the image. The hope is that they do it kindly, safely, without abusing their insights.

In the next episode of Living y Ready, we explore how being HIV-positive can make the search for love a bit more complicated. We continue to hear Dale Roberson’s story, who is joined by his partner Miguel Bujanda. Daniel G. Garza and his partner Christian Ramirez share how HIV impacted their love story. Dorian Klemensine opens up about being single as a queer HIV-positive man.

Three years ago, Miguel Bujanda stumbled upon Dale Roberson’s profile on Facebook. Miguel thought Dale was looking pretty good in his photos, so he decided to shoot his shot. And it’s a good thing he did because they’ve been together ever since.

Dale’s HIV status was never an issue for Miguel.

“I think it’s important that a person is healthy whatever their status is,” Miguel says. “I think it’s important to regularly see a doctor whether [you’re] HIV-positive or negative to ensure they’re not only testing for HIV, because HIV is bad, but other STDs can be quite inconvenient.”

For Miguel, the bottom line is support. It doesn’t matter that Dale has HIV. What matters is that Dale takes care of himself, and Miguel supports him when he needs an extra hand or a soft reminder. If they’re going on vacation (which they do often), for example, Miguel always asks Dale if he has enough medication packed before they go.

They also don’t sidestep difficult conversations that affect each other’s health.

“I think that a lot of people are afraid of HIV because they don’t normalize that it’s just part of life. Whether you’re positive or negative … let’s talk about being healthy,” Miguel says. “[Dale’s] health is important to me because I want him here for a very long time.”

Christian Ramirez and Daniel Garza, also featured on the episode, have been together for over a decade.

Christian, who’s HIV-negative, thinks it’s unfair that folks living with HIV often must wear their diagnosis on their sleeves. From his view, it strips them of their full, complex identities. Daniel is so much more than his status.

“I don’t look at Daniel and think, he’s HIV-positive,” Christian says. “I forget he’s HIV positive because it’s so not who he is. That’s the issue so many people have. When you disclose you’re HIV-positive, people make you HIV-positive [first].”

HIV is merely a small detail in a dynamic 12-year relationship that has had many peaks and valleys. Just like any other healthy relationship, they’ve celebrated victories and pushed through universal hardships.

“He knows me, he sees me,” says Daniel. “We’ve been through [everything] together—good times, parents dying, health issues for both of us.”

On the journey through love, those required ‘boxes’ you’re looking to check off in a partner at first will blur into a deeper, more abstract understanding of a person and why they’re the right partner for you. Unchecked boxes are forgotten, and red flags change color. Daniel and Christian’s romance has had its challenges, but HIV never stood in the way.

Dorian Klemensine—single, queer, Latino, and HIV-positive—struggled with romance after getting diagnosed.

“I didn’t want to get close to anybody for honestly a whole year,” Dorian says. “I didn’t want to be romantic; I didn’t want to go to bed with anybody. I was so afraid of being ostracized because even though it’s a well-known thing … you still get a few people to this day who are like, ‘No, stay away from me.’”

It’s been a few years, and Dorian has made discoveries. If a possible partner welcomes Dorian into their life, even after status is disclosed, Dorian knows with confidence that this is a person who wants to get to know him—all of him—and won’t shut him out because of a minor medical detail.

Dorian is seeking a partner who can surpass his status. And maybe there’s a silver lining here, because typically those types of people have more substance.

When you love someone, and they love you back, you walk through the world with tinted lenses. Suddenly, there’s you, and there’s this other person, and then there’s this ‘life’ that you ostensibly build together. You get wrapped up. So, if that love is betrayed, everything can crumble beneath you.

Love is high stakes. That’s why it doesn’t just come around.

We date, we hook-up, we mingle. But as soon as we commit to seeing someone a second time, a third, or forth—those ‘red flags’ start to appear, all the complications, the past traumas, the embarrassing parts of ourselves we try to keep secret. Such is the balance of life. We all have good, and we all have complicated. We’re mortals after all; baggage is a prerequisite for the human condition. The real question is if those two sets of baggage are compatible.

Don’t miss this vulnerable, heart-warming episode of Living y Ready.