Facing Internalized Homophobia

In a recent interview, Queer Eye star Tan France opened up about giving a makeover to a queer woman struggling with her identity.

Today.com reported:

“I understood her story because when I was younger, I felt that internalized homophobia so strongly…,” [France] explains. “And so hearing those thoughts that she had just took me right back.”

Internalized homophobia can delay coming-out, dim gay expression, inhibit commitment to partners, and amplify the feeling of living in shame.

Even if your loved ones accept you, being queer sets you apart from the heteronormative customs taught to us as kids. So long as society upholds this anti-gay bias, queer people will continue overcoming internalized homophobia through every stage of their lives.

Medical News Today says:

“Internalized homophobia occurs when a person is subject to society’s negative perceptions, intolerance, and stigma toward people with same-sex attraction. They then turn those ideas inward, believing that they are true, and experience self-hatred as a result of being a socially stigmatized person.”

When religiously conservative communities condemn queer activity, queer kids come of age thinking something is outright wrong with them. When queer stories are absent from history textbooks, queer teenagers wonder how their life will fit into the mold.

The Rainbow Project reports:

“Research carried out … in 2003 revealed that the average age for men to realize their sexual orientation was 12, yet the average age they actually confided in someone was 17. It is during these formative years when people are coming to understand and acknowledge their sexual orientation that internalized homophobia can really affect a person.”

Even after coming out, internalized homophobia informs how you show up queer in the world.

The gay scene is colored by a wide range of fashion choices, gender expressions, and ways of life. Is your style masculine, feminine, or does it depend on where you’re going? Do you want straight people to know you’re queer, or would you rather blend in? From the way you dress to the tone of your voice, queer expression looks different at home, at work, at the club, and in bed.

According to Healthline:

“Internalized homophobia can also influence things like the careers a person chooses, the people they choose to date, and what their romantic and sexual life looks like.”

If relationships weren’t already hard enough to maintain, throw in societal stigma as a topic of discussion at the dinner table. Being queer on your own can incite questions about expression; being in a queer relationship showcases queer love to the world. Comfortability with your sexuality determines the level at which you commit to a partner both publicly (going on a date, posting photos together, or attending events as a couple) and privately (exploring intimacy or understanding household gender roles).

It’s only recent that, in some places, queer couples are celebrated and deemed beautiful. So, navigating relationships as a queer person today takes an extra level of self-love and panache.

Healthline also says:

“The sad truth is that in a world where homophobia is built into almost every legal, medical, religious, and social structure, internalized homophobia is inevitable.”

That said, understanding it, overcoming it, and celebrating it will help to make the next generation more accepting of themselves from the start.