I Do Not Like Tom Brady | Opinion

Disclaimer: This is an individual opinion piece. The views in this article do not represent LATV Network’s beliefs in any way.

Well, he did it again. Tom Brady has won another Super Bowl; and yet, I do not like him. He is arguably the greatest football player of all time, but he irks me in a way that will never allow me to respect him. Don’t get me wrong, I respect his talent – I just don’t respect the man behind it.

It might be the way he looks. His eyes are a vacuous abyss – his programmed smile reveals the nothingness from which he is somehow able to operate as a human being. I imagine he wakes up in a stark white bunker, pops in his eyeballs, and consumes small pieces of  over-cooked salmon every 30 minutes via a plastic duct in his left arm. You think I’m wrong? Prove it.

Here’s the thing – I had this disdain for him before he reluctantly (but obviously) came out as a Tr*mp supporter, and before footage surfaced of him planting a prolonged, uncomfortably wet kiss on his 11 year old child during a shirtless physical therapy session. There is no one thing that caused my lingering disgust for Tom – it just exists.

I wish I better understood my distaste for this man. Maybe it’s because his wife is unbelievably attractive and I don’t think he deserves to be her husband. I feel as though she is trapped and miserable in whatever tasteless estate they have decided to inhabit in…Tampa. I imagine the sex being terribly mechanical – like the shifting gears of a bicycle – clunky. What do they even talk about!? Whole milk!!??

Yesterday, a girl who I had made plans with cancelled on me for the fourth time in a row. After agreeing to meet at 6pm, she cancelled on me at 6:32pm, saying “I just like…don’t really feel like hanging out with you today.” Savage! I had rearranged my whole day to plan for the evening. I had cleaned my whole house. I had purchased activities. It wasn’t even like I had been the one to suggest plans each time; she had cancelled on her own plans for us before tonight. Needless to say, I was extremely frustrated by her inconsiderate behavior; yet, somehow, when I think of Tom Brady, my feelings of disdain are far more potent.