Dating Safely in the HIV+ Community

Dating comes with a laundry list of challenges. If you’re HIV-positive, that list probably includes battling stigma, choosing appropriate dating circles, disclosing status, and ensuring safety during intimacy.

For HIV-positive singles and their HIV-negative partners, engaging in honest conversations about these obstacles not only keeps everyone safe but also cultivates more fruitful romantic experiences.

First, de-stigmatize your perspective

Whether you’re HIV-positive or not, the stigma around HIV has blurred the truth about what to fear and how to talk about it.

“Little did I realize that the stigma and, more importantly and dangerously, the internalized stigma I had about HIV actually was affecting my job and who I was,” Karl Schmid, founder of +Life, shared LATV in an interview earlier this year.

The horror stories of the 1980s AIDS crisis don’t accurately characterize what it means to live with HIV today. Over the last few decades, advances in medicine have made it possible for HIV-positive folks to live full, normal lives.

Find the right dating circle

If you’re HIV-positive, dating people with the same status can offer common ground, especially if you’ve recently been diagnosed.

Very Well Health’s Elizabeth Boskey, PhD, writes:

“How HIV affects the way you search for a new partner is very much a personal choice…[but] sometimes after people are diagnosed with HIV, they feel more comfortable meeting people through dating sites and support groups…who also have the virus.”

Dating sites include Poz.com, HIV People Meet, Positive Dating, Positive Singles, or MeetPositives.com.

If that’s not a priority, the dating pool is as open as it was before testing positive, as long as you’re clear about your status.

Disclose your status at the right time

Most importantly, dating safely (for everybody) means discussing the STI history of both partners, earlier rather than later, and especially before getting too intimate.

POZ Magazine’s Aundalay Guess says:

“…because I was living with HIV, I didn’t think a relationship, long or short, was an option. I also thought I would only be attractive to someone who was HIV-positive themselves, denied by others. Yet that turned out to not be true, which took some risk of disclosure.”

Besides, failing to disclose your HIV-positive status can also lead to legal infraction.

Sourced from LGBTMap.org

Let’s be real: it’s not always easy talking about HIV with a person you’ve got a crush on. But, overcoming that awkwardness will make it clear if you’re dating the right person.

Rejection is part of dating, whether you’re HIV-positive or not. In the words of Ariana Grande, “thank you, next.”

Ensure you and your partner are taking the right safety precautions

If you’re HIV-positive, taking a daily dose of ART (anti-retroviral therapy) will reduce the amount of HIV in the body, minimize the risk of transmission, and prevent it from advancing to AIDS.

If you’re HIV-negative, consider getting on PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) if you currently have several sexual partners, you are dating someone who is HIV-positive, or you’re in the queer community and want to be extra safe.

POZ Magazine’s Aundalay Guess adds:

“PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by more than 99% . . . [and even more] if you combine PrEP with condoms and other prevention methods.”

Take note: if an HIV-negative person is exposed to HIV (let’s say, the condom breaks), taking PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) within 72 hours and for 28 days will prevent the virus from taking hold of the immune system.

A cure is on the way

Stem cell research and medical practice has laid the groundwork for a cure. Until then, being openly communicative, knowing how to be safe, and doing research is key to dating in an out of the HIV-positive community.