Blood Family or Chosen Familia? Is There a Difference?

By the grace of God, people show up in your life and become your family. Especially if you’ve left home—for work, for love, for a better life—you may build a new community of your own. Even the most introverted folks call a pal once in a while.

They are friends, friends of friends, co-workers, collaborators. Sometimes other people’s family who live nearby. They are the people you celebrate holidays with, the ones you go to football games with, the ones who pick up your kids from school when your hands are full. They’re not your mom or your dad, not your siblings, not your children, not your cousins. They are people (some might even say soul mates) who you’re not related to, but keep showing up for you, again and again. And that link, that bond that forms between you both, might grow stronger than biological family ties, because you keep choosing to see them, deciding to be with them, to hold each other up.

These people are your chosen familia.

“To be part of a chosen family of friends really means more than anything because that’s not just like, oh, I’m obligated to go,” says Carolina Gutierrez, a trans actress and TV host, on Royal T.

For the queer and trans communities especially, chosen family is holy. When gay and trans teens are not supported at home, kicked out in some instances, they come of age solo. They move away, find new homes, and meet new family along the way. Without blood family to lean on, chosen family becomes your primary family.

“When I came out, I lost my biological family,” says Lucas Rojas, a trans community leader and athlete. “For a few years, I felt very alone, [but] as I got involved in community advocacy, I met wonderful people like Queen Victoria and other folks that came into my life that kind of stuck around.”

Royal T, a talk show hosted by community trailblazer Queen Victoria, is more than a show that explores the trans and nonbinary experience. It’s a space for queer folks to build relationships with other queer folks and allies—on set and among audiences.

Such is the power of tv.

When we see people like us on screen, we see ourselves as active participants in the world. And when we relate to people unlike us on screen, we see ourselves in their experience and honor their participation to the world.

Queer as Folk, the groundbreaking series from the early 2000s, started a new chapter for queer tv. Yes, it was a show about a queer friend group (a chosen family). More than that, it was a show about the intricacies of human life amongst people who love each other.

Peter Paige, one of the stars, joined us on The Q Agenda and shared how the show continues to change his life, even twenty years later.

“They came for the queer, they stayed for the folk,” Paige says on the show. “Really, underneath all of it, the clothes we wear, the color of our skin, the politics we have, we all really just want the same things: to be heard, to be seen, to have something we’re passionate about, and to be loved.”

There is no cap on love. Family is as abundant as your heart to let them in. Whoever shows up at your Thanksgiving table—blood family, chosen family, a new friend in the city—let’s celebrate the little things. Let’s listen, see, share, and love.

Watch the whole episode on the LatiNation app here!