Breaking the Silence: Familismos and Mental Health in Latino Men

It’s no secret that Latino men have struggled with talking about their feelings openly for decades.

Despite many years of cultural evolution, the concept of ‘machismo’ seems ingrained in our culture. This is probably because influences starting from childhood– like the sayings “man up” or “boys don’t cry” – have taught young boys that showing any form of weakness is not acceptable for men, and lasted well into adulthood.

To break down this topic, we sat down with mental health expert Alejandro Sandoval, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Pasadena, Calif.

In our conversation with Alejandro – whose practice, Sandoval Therapy, helps men deal with issues like emotional intimacy, detachment, and trauma – he discussed the concept of “familismos,” which promote closeness within the family but can also discourage seeking external professional help. 

“Being so close to our families, uncles, primas/primos, or cousins, can be such a big strength,” Sandoval tells us, … at the same time, sometimes, that expectation to work it out in the family limits us from seeking professional help outside our family.”

This expectation to resolve issues internally often prevent Latino men from open discussions about mental health and seeking the necessary intervention.

To help raise awareness about familismos, and mental health in the Latino community, Sandoval has partnered with the Huntsman Mental Health Institute and the Ad Council on their Love, Your Mind campaign, to destigmatize mental health and bring help and support to our hermanos.

The Stigma of Vulnerability and Weakness Among Men

A critical aspect of this discussion, according to Sandoval, is the fear among Latino men of being perceived as weak. He recalls an interview from his research where a participant expressed fear of being seen as weak, associating it with a failure to fulfill traditional masculine roles.

“He told me, ‘Es el miedo a que te digan que eres el más débil [The fear that they will tell you you’re the weakest one],’” he recalls. “That always got stuck in my head through all my work. He really captured that idea: that fear that you will be known as the ‘weak one.’”

What does that mean?
According to Sandoval, it means that men tell themselves: “I’m not a man,” “I can’t provide for my family,” or “I can’t protect the people I love.”

In turn, this belief of being seen as “weak” is a huge pressure that leads to feelings of depression, anxiety, stress, and sadness. 

“And for that, what do we do?” Sandoval asks. “We disconnect. We do things to avoid everything else. We work too hard. We overwork, we bury ourselves, and these are all things to … maybe, not only avoid that feeling but omit it.”

Changing Family Dynamics and Approaches

To address this issue, Sandoval emphasized the importance of changing the narrative around emotions and vulnerability, especially for young boys.

Teaching them that expressing emotions like sadness is healthy and normal and how it can help break the cycle of stigma and suppression of feelings.

“Being able to teach especially young men from a very early age what it means to cry, which actually is an expression of emotion or feeling, is key. Real sadness often (even for ourselves as adults) is difficult to tolerate. We quickly run to quiet the child, right? That’s your discomfort with that emotion…So, suppose we can tolerate our discomfort with having young boys cry. In that case, that will send such strong internal messages to them as they’re forming their sense of self and their development to really be okay with allowing themselves to feel the feeling.”

Approaching Men Who Are Struggling

Getting men who are conditioned to hide their struggles to open up can be difficult.

Sandoval suggested that compassion, patience, and understanding are essential. He stressed that acknowledging the depth of their internal battle is crucial in making them feel supported.

“Some men are ready to hear someone who approaches them with compassion, without judgment, and with love,” he says. “And that often is the general best way to do it”.

Alejandro adds that there are ways to approach or show care to those who are struggling with 

mental health but are not ready to open up. “Don’t let them close themselves up,” he advises. “Also, speak to some directly and say, “I know this is scary, it’s difficult, and I’m not pressing you, but I see you’re struggling.”

Support Systems and Therapy Alternatives

In the Hispanic community, approximately one-third (34%) of adults with mental health conditions receive treatment each year, compared to the U.S. average of 45% (SAMHSA).

For that reason, a way to encourage men in their mental health journey is to understand that changes can start from different fronts. 

Respecting the path our loved ones decide to begin their healing process is a sign of support. 

Sandoval highlights the importance of keeping men engaged in social activities and showing consistent care outside therapy. He also suggested journaling, exercise, mindfulness, and leveraging support systems (brotherhood) as beneficial practices. These and other recommendations and resources to support men’s mental health can be found at LoveYourMindToday.org.

For Sandoval, the goal is to normalize the conversation around mental health and eliminate the taboo that men don’t want to get better. 

“I just want to point out that men want to feel better, want to heal, and want to work on themselves;” he points out. “Based on my experience, men do want to be in therapy, contrary to what our stigmas may be and in our perceptions. Men actually want to feel more connected with the people they love … I see that every day in my practice.” 

On a good note, Alejandro says the future of men’s mental health in Latino communities is bright.

For more information about free, bilingual mental health resources, visit LoveYourMindToday.org.

Entre Hermanos, Love Your Mind Live Event

In an effort to bring awareness to the ongoing mental health crisis in the Latino community

LATV is partnering with the Huntsman Mental Health Institute and the Ad Council for an exclusive Latino men’s mental health event hosted by Mike Alfaro, creator of “Millennial Lotería,” that will include actors, comedians, and influencers @MexicanGueys and @LGNDFRVR, along with LATV Host Humberto Guida, and Mental Health Expert Alejandro Sandoval

The live event, entitled ‘Entre Hermanos, Love, Your Mind’, is focused on destigmatizing and normalizing conversations on mental health in the Latino community, and will be live-streamed on LATV’s Instagram (@latvnetwork) and Facebook (@LATV) pages on Thursday 12/7 at 2 pm PT/ 5 pm ET.